Reclaiming the Self Through Art: My 13 Hour Photoshoot with Oz

Model: Victoria James
HMUA: Victoria James
Photography: Oswaldo Saiki
aka Oz
April 27th, 2013
Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Artistic Nude

Model: Victoria James
HMUA: Victoria James
Photography: Oswaldo Saiki
aka Oz
April 27, 2013
Everglades, FL
Indian Headdress “Looking Into the Universe; Looking into the Soul”

Model: Victoria James
HMUA: Victoria James
Photography: Oswaldo Saiki
aka Oz
April 27, 2013
Everglades, FL
To me, this photograph was reminiscent of (a) my mother, who was a tried and true hippie in the 60′s and 70′s, who also happened to look almost exactly like me when she was the same age, and who also named me after her, and (b) the way I looked and dressed in high school, when I was still independent and strong and un-married. I felt like this photograph recaptured, for me, the time that I lost in my 6.5 year marriage from ages 18- 24.
A very powerful image, for me.

Model: Victoria James
HMUA: Victoria James
Photography: Oswaldo Saiki
aka Oz
April 27, 2013
Everglades, FL
Indian Headdress
“The Money Shot”
This was the very last shot of that 13 hour day, as I mention here in this blog post.

Good morning, everyone! It is a beautiful morning here in South Florida. While I wish it was a bit cooler than it has been, I must admit the past few days have been less humid and the heat less oppressive. Finally!

That being the case, I took a nice long run this morning to get my blood pumping and my brain on track to continue drafting my memoir proposal. After spending countless hours sitting on my porch with my MacBook and my dog, nicknamed “honey badger,” the physical activity feels indescribably refreshing!

I must admit that I haven’t been working out consistently since about February of this year, which was in preparation for my first ever photoshoot. My first modeling experience was with Alex Manfredini on February 2^nd at his beautiful studio in Kendall, Fl (the date is etched in my mind because that day was also Alex’s wedding anniversary). But unbeknownst to many, modeling is physically quite strenuous. Twisting and contorting one’s body into various, flattering positions requires flexibility and endurance, hence the common adage in glamour modeling: “If it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t look good!” In terms of popular exercise, I would liken the physical activity of modeling to a pilates-type workout. However, sometimes the photoshoot can last anywhere from 2-13 hours, depending on the job, whereas a typical pilates class might only last an hour or two. Granted, 13 hours is a bit extreme, but it happens. And sometimes, for very good reason.

The only time I shot for 13 hours was (a) not planned, (b) way more than I expected it to be and (c) life-changing. This was my first photoshoot Oz, who has become a very good professional friend of mine. We collaborate seamlessly. He says it’s because I am beautiful and know my body well. I roll my eyes and smile, “No, it is because we are both pisces!” Over that 13 hours, we shot roughly 15 sets, from sunrise at the beach, to indoor lingerie and artistic nudes at his studio, to sunset in the Everglades. We were having so much fun working together, the time seemed to fly by. Not to mention, the amazing wardrobe he provided me for our shoots, including an authentic Native American headdress. And at the end of the day, after trying for 1-2 hours to shoot the “perfect” headdress shot, he again clicked the camera. He looking in the viewer at the result, and he said, “That’s it. We got it.” I walked through the ass-high grass, nude save for the headdress and authentic Native American necklace, also looking into the viewer, and said, “Yep! That’s it. Let’s go home!” We are both perfectionist when it comes to our arts. He also designs running shoes, and I write. Modeling, for me, and photography, for him, are professions we were participating in because we enjoyed them. So when we get together, we don’t stop until the job gets done. Until we have met or exceeded the projected outcome.

It is no surprise then, that on that 27^th evening in April, when I looked at the raw images of the day projected on the large computer screen back at his studio, I cried from every cell in my body. I felt remarkably feminine, beautiful and powerful in a way I hadn’t ever experienced before in my life. I felt like a truly professional model. Despite being exhausted and famished and slightly dehydrated, this photo shoot was a hallmark moment in my career, as well as my adult life, post-marriage. On that screen, I saw in myself a grace and a beauty and a shamelessness and pride that I couldn’t remember feeling in over ten years. As an emotionally private person, I composed myself while he burned the images onto a disc for me to take home, but cried the entire hour and a half ride home, as well. Something deep inside me healed and awakened that day. I will be eternally grateful to Oz for providing me that cathartic shooting marathon!

It’s quite interesting the way things work out, isn’t it? Especially the timing of it all. Maybe I knew, or the universe knew, that I would need this day of healing, this revived self-confidence, in order to take on what was going to happen next. Only two days later, April 29^th, I was forced to resign from teaching. My intuition knew that if I hadn’t acknowledged my abilities as a model before that day, I might have struggled rather than succeeded through the ensuing media hype. I might have run away and questioned my decision to model, rather than accept those decisions with confidence, unashamed. To this day, I am proud of the way in which I markedly accepted the forced resignation in stride. I didn’t harbor anger or resentment. I was relieved.

I felt like a caged bird, to allude to Maya Angelou’s memoir. I had finally been released, or perhaps released myself. Released from a future which would have consisted of trying to fit into someone else’s mold. My decision to model ultimately propelled me into the future that I wanted, that would make me happiest—even if I couldn’t visualize in explicit detail what that future would look like. At least I had gotten out of that cage. Regardless of the mistakes I made in the aftermath, and the tribulations I endured, I wouldn’t trade the events of late April 2013 for the world. They have made me who I am, and have helped put me back on track to becoming the person I have always wanted to be. They have given me the means with which I will fulfill my deepest and most sincere dreams—becoming a published author.

So here I am, this Saturday morning, out on my porch with a cup of coffee, my MacBook, and my dog, preparing to compile some more of my manuscript proposal. And in this moment, I am happy and grateful.

Everyday I try and remind myself to thank the universe for that for which I am grateful. Ok, so maybe not every day, explicitly, but either with my mind or my words or my heart I express gratitude that I am free, just like the girl (aka me) in the photographs (shown above) felt that day– the day she was able to see herself making her way in the world, wherever she decided that would be.

Posted by Victoria in Photoshoot Experiences, VJ Insights